Comments on Halfhead: Harrogate-arama

OK, own up, who left the open bottle of sherry out...

2008-07-16T23:23:00.000+01:00

OK, own up, who left the open bottle of sherry out at Agent Phil's house?

This can't be right. This all sounds like far too...

2008-07-16T23:11:00.000+01:00

This can't be right. This all sounds like far too much fun. Phil has promised that all these work things are mostly cocoa and bed by nine. Don't you authors all go to bed early to dream up the next bestselling novel or something. I love my weekly pub quiz. Beating the other teams always makes me feel a little bit intellectually superior even if those teams consist of a group of students born in the Nineties and some old gent who is so pissed he falls off his stool and tries to snog the barman.

Well, I need some form of brain excercise, I do live with a gorilla.

Mrs Agent Phil

And you will recognise the Euro-editors by their l...

2008-07-16T22:54:00.000+01:00

And you will recognise the Euro-editors by their long trench coats, eighties hair, arsenal of weapons and their sinister plan to steal the Theakston's Old Peculier Barrel, whilst holding a gun to Guthrie's head.

Yours, master criminally

Agent Hans Gruber

And I was hoping to slope off to Headingley to see...

2008-07-16T22:34:00.000+01:00

And I was hoping to slope off to Headingley to see the Second Test. Do you think the old stuffed dummy at a table trick would work? It certainly worked in Stalag Luft 17, and it will probably know more questions than me. If only the whole quiz was tv cop theme tunes and I would wipe the floor.

In the interest of European integration, I was going to join the European editors there, if they want to lose the quiz, of course. Come, join us, Stuart and we can all hum `Ode to Joy' together. The only problem I see is that each team mate has to ratify the correct answer. We'll be there all night. And if we have an Irish author, then we're f*cked as he is bound to say no to `Randall and Hopkirk, Deceased' and then the team will fall apart and declare war on the Dutch editors and steal their clogs for a laugh!

I thought of a team name, too. A Schlong for Europe.

Yours entering in the intellectual spirits of things.

Agent Starter for Ten

Even though I only live in piggin' York I will be ...

2008-07-16T16:43:00.000+01:00

Even though I only live in piggin' York I will be unable to grace Harrogate with my presence owing to the fact that I am a woman of modest means. Therefore I expect many reports of - yes, the pub quizzes. And oh, to witness you trying to keep the great Val McDermid (amongst others) in order...

I'm curious about this being thrown out of a ballo...

2008-07-16T15:10:00.000+01:00

I'm curious about this being thrown out of a balloon bit myself.

Will there be video, or just your usual witty recounting?

What a pitiful pre-emptive strike, pretending you ...

2008-07-16T14:26:00.000+01:00

What a pitiful pre-emptive strike, pretending you don't want to be in the pub quiz just because you're scared nobody will ask you.
What's not to love about watching a room full of crime writers, fans, critics and publishers making complete arses of themselves?

LOL, Stuart, as always.I hope you have a great tim...

2008-07-15T23:57:00.000+01:00

LOL, Stuart, as always.

I hope you have a great time, and manage to down a few bevvies.

What's this about getting chucked out of a balloon? I think I'd have to be smashed out of my bonce to take part in that one.

Well, I'm still taller than I am wide... but it's ...

2008-07-15T21:18:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm still taller than I am wide... but it's a close run thing.

No one's filming my posterity or any other part of...

2008-07-15T20:54:00.000+01:00

No one's filming my posterity or any other part of my body. Wignall, it is a `Greystoke'- inspired piece. I saw the guy who choreographed the monkey movements on `Nationwide' nearly 20 years ago and thought I could do that. I also saw a lady eat cat food, but thought I would leave that one to the experts. Furthermore, I wasn't inspired to copy Frank Bough, take loads of cocaine and wear women's clothes.

This year, I won't be leaping over any sofas and nearly crashing through glass coffee tables either.

Splits - I've been practising them all year. I am not quite as supple as certain female fiction directors, but at least I won't `rupture my bollocks' as Kernick so delicately put it, this time.

Yours, a model of sobriety and professionalism

And Stuart, so sweet of you to describe me as wiry. I think I am now broader than I am tall. Like a hairier `Sponge Bob Squarepants'.

Yours, from Bikini Bottom

Phil

In its ultimate form it's not a monkey impression,...

2008-07-15T20:01:00.000+01:00

In its ultimate form it's not a monkey impression, but a "Greystoke" impression and can only be performed in the early hours because it involves misusing hotel property.

Equally entertaining, though not for Phil, is his re-enactment of A Bridge Too Far, otherwise known as doing the splits.

I stayed up til 3.30 and STILL missed Agent Phil's...

2008-07-15T19:26:00.000+01:00

I stayed up til 3.30 and STILL missed Agent Phil's monkey impression although I heard about it from several other BTZers.

Tell you what - you get him to do it, and I'll film it for posterity, and....