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Birthdays For The Dead

Stuart MacBride lives in the North East of Scotland, where he writes gruesome crime novels and grows gruesome potatoes.

Vote For Stuart - Million For A Morgue

Upcoming events
13 Mar
Event - 19:30
Rude songs, swearing, and the occasional rant at the Bell Library, Perth Want to go?

22 Mar
Event - 18:30
Norwich Crime Festival - Doing the funky chicken with Henry Sutton, or maybe some sort of interviewy event thing. Want tickets?

CHANGE OF DATE
Music Hall event is now on the 20th of May, not the 21st!
20 May
Event - 19:00
Christopher Brookmyre, Craig Robertson, and I will be talking about books and stuff. There may be a bit of swearing here too... Music Hall, Aberdeen Details & tickets.

19 - 22 July
Theakstons Old Peculier Crime Writing Festival, Harrogate

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

G'Day

As you can probably tell from the complete lack of postage in recent weeks, things have got a bit hectic at Casa MacBride of late. Partly this is due to getting everything finalised for Halfhead coming out in September, partly it's down to trying to catch up with Book Number The Sixth (still no word back on the latest possible title), and partly it's down to the fact I'm jetting off to the Antipodean winter wonderland next Monday, and a whole heap of stuff has to be finished before I clamber onboard the plane.

Wow, even typing that is enough to set my blood pressure rocketing. "Next Monday" Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! I'm actually really looking forward to it. Have been for years, and years, and years... It's, like, a whole different continent, dude! Where the mice are all huge and have wee pooches for their baby mice things. And you can eat them too. How cool is that?

The only trouble is that I now have to trust the family homestead to the care of She Who Must Be Watched Like A Hawk In Case She Tries To Blow Up The House Again. I could leave Grendel in charge, I suppose. After all, she reached her majority last week - she turned 5. Ah, children, they grow up so fast. And still manage to leave random frothy puddles of squishy barf on the kitchen floor when you least expect it. And are walking about in your bare feet.

Actually, here's a question for you: what's worse, stepping in cat barf in your bare feet, or when you're wearing socks? After all, if it's on your bare feet you can just hop to the sink and wash it off. If you're wearing socks it soaks right in. Urgh...

But I digress.

Something else happened last week (well, technically lots of things happened, it was a whole week after all. For example more of our lovely MPs were exposed as a bunch of thieving cock-weasels, and people were stunned and outraged by this most un-politicianish behaviour*), She Who Must Be The Luckiest Woman In The World and I celebrated fourteen years of marriedness**. Yup, I've managed to put up with her for fourteen years.

Apparently my knighthood is in the post.

* I've been meaning to post about the whole MPs expenses thing for ages. What I loved most of all was when they hounded the Speaker into early retirement. Their outraged argument seemed to be: "How could you! You were supposed to be in charge! Why did you let us get away with being thieving cock-weasels all this time? It's all your fault!" Hmm... personally I kinda think it's the MPs faults for being thieving cock-weasels in the first bloody place, don't you?
But I love the fact that everyone's so shocked that our politicians turned out to be less than squeaky clean and morally upstanding. I mean, come on: they're fucking politicians. What did you expect? I've never met one I wouldn't want to truss up with cable-ties, fasten to a lawn chair, and douse with a liberal mixture of honey and killer bees.
And when the aforementioned thieving cock-weasels get caught with their hand in the public purse, the defence always seems to be, "Everything I've claimed for was allowable under the rules...." But then, they would be as the 'rules' seem to be, "Claim for whatever you think you can get away with."
** I gave her anchovies as an anniversary gift. Lots and lots of horrible anchovies. She loves them, but then she's a bit strange.

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13 Comments:

At 11:10 AM, Blogger JamesO said...

Congratulations on fourteen years of marriedness to you and Mrs Fiona, Mr Stuart. Is it really fourteen years since I handed you that rubber chicken to carry back with you down the aisle? Old, we is getting.

And happy belated birthday to Mistress Grendel. I'd send her a mouse in the post, but the Royal Mail get all uppity about that sort of thing.

 
At 11:43 AM, Blogger Paul Blackburn said...

Congratulations on 14 years.

Quick question about Halfhead - it's listed on Waterstones as being written by some character by the name of Stuart B MacBride - wots the B stand for ??

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Stuart MacBride said...

Belligerent.

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger JamesO said...

Bellicose?

 
At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

beardy?

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought that it was B to the power of 3 or B cubed and that it stood for Bullshit Baffles Brains.

 
At 4:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

did you really think that Anonymous?

 
At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...and we are so looking forward to your visit Stuart.....bring your winter woolies tho, its -4 a lot of the nights.

Linda

 
At 3:00 PM, Anonymous maria harding said...

stuart. never mind holidays and wedding anniversaries, i cannt wait for your next book. I loved (if thats the word)"cold granite" i couldnt stop thinking about it, I dont think i ever want to go to aberdeen:
Keep writing books like this, i loved loved loved it.
best wishes and enjoy your holiday maria harding

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Trace said...

Congrats, Stuart! Woohoo!

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger Isabelle Adams said...

Congratulations on the long marriage- but don't you mean 'madness' instead of 'marriedness'? Kidding. Good luck when you go to the place with the massive rats with pouches- I don't think Grendel could handle them. And standing in puke with socks on is awful. Not only do you have to put up with the puke, but you have to do WASHING!!! *mock shudder*

 
At 6:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cat sick is cat sick, no matter how it gets on your person.
In my rural bit of England a cat killer stricks again. 8 moggies in the last outbreak. It's NOT me, I haven't the guts to do it, but when nextdoor's puck on my doorstep I could be easily pushed over the edge!

Judith.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger Scot down-under said...

And we in the antipodean isles look forward to greeting you. Just smuggle a few rowies from thains and we will greet you like a god. dont tell immigration though. And dont eat skippy - the kanga bangas are rank. trust me...

 
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