I was going to have a big, long, elaborate whinge about how I can't write for toffee, soor plooms, sherbet flying saucers, or any other form of childhood confectionery, but as I know that kind of thing bores the pants off you, I won't. After all, it's important that you keep your pants on. Nobody wants to see your sinful nether regions at this time of day. Or any other time of day, come to that. It's enough to put somebody off their Pot Noodle, so it is.

So, instead of the scheduled whinge, I'm going to answer Grant's timely and completely unprompted question "Hey Stuart, what is Sawbones? There is no description on the linkey page."

And quite right he was. As far as I'm aware there's still no linkey-flavoured description, but I have flavouring for you, naughty people. I have flavouring coming out of my ears!*


SAWBONES is a novella coming out in July from Barrington Stoke, and for once it's not a Logan McRae book. Hell, it's not even set in Aberdeen... Cue VOICEOVERMAN!:

"They call him Sawbones: a serial killer touring North America, with a thing for young women. The FBI and the police say they're doing all they can: following up leads, doing things by the book. Getting nowhere.

But Sawbones has just made the biggest mistake of his life: his latest victim is Laura Jones, 16, blonde, pretty... and her father is one of New York's biggest gangsters.

Laura's father isn't interested in the law, or due process – he wants revenge. And he knows just the guys to get it.

Sawbones is about to find out that this time, he picked on the wrong family."

So there you go. Sawbones is a racing-snake 18,500 words and I have to admit that it's one of the best things I've ever done. And if you're a regular at Casa Del Halfhead, you'll know that traditionally I hate everything I've ever written.

This might have something to do with the fact that where FLESH HOUSE took me four and a half months to write and five months to edit, SAWBONES was a mere two weeks in the writing. I edited it in two days. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How could I not love it? It's the only book so far that hasn't sunk it's teeth into my arse and chewed off big lumps. I had fun! How freaky-weird is that?

And it's a mere £5.99! Well, that's the RRP, so you'll probably be able to pick it up for a lot less from the usual suspects.

I even have a blurb for it:

"keep[s] the tension wound up tighter than a tourniquet from an irate triage nurse"
Allan 'Horror-Bollocks' Guthrie

And you know Allan wouldn't lie to you... Would he?


And now I have a fresh new blurb to go with the first blurb (which is a little older, but still within its sell-by-date and unlikely to give you food poisoning. Unless you have it with a side-order of mouldy coleslaw. And if that's what you're up to, you deserve all the vomit and diarrhoea you get.) :

"Only MacBride can turn a Winnebago ride through middle America into a violently depraved hunt for salvation."
Tamara Siler Jones

* Earwax is too a flavour!