I did my second-last ever event two Fridays ago at Duff House (where Duffman lives! Cue thrusting of the groin and saying, 'Oh, yeah...') where I had probably the most expensive warm-up act ever.
It was the Rembrandt painting: Woman in bed. They'd put it in the corner of the room, kept safe from the strange people who came to see me, by a length of red velvet rope. As you can see, the woman in question has incredibly large hands! Huge, they are. Enough to batter the living hell out of any man daft enough to get in there with her.
Without wishing to seem sexist, I think this was one of those 'Oh dear Jesus... HOW MUCH DID I HAVE TO DRINK LAST NIGHT?' moments. Still, I'm sure she has a lovely personality, even if she does like to fiddle with her own left boob.
It were a good event, too. The pain and heartache of the (shudder as we mention the dreaded name) Burns (urgh!) supper fiasco seems to be nothing but a distant memory, only to be dragged up by evil crime writers in their polyester Oh-My-God-They-Killed-Kenny coats. Rotten sods.
Of course, the event was helped by the very, very strange people sat in the front row (all ladies) wearing their DIY Beard Kits. I nearly sprayed a mouthful of water all over our big-handed friend when I turned round and saw them. And that pretty much set the tone for the whole evening. Lots of giggling and questions. Which is nice.
I started reading the opening chapter of SAWBONES when I was down in Kilmarnock so I did that one again. Then about midway through I tossed in a reading from FLESH HOUSE. I hadn't meant to - it was an accident. Well, not really and accident, but it wasn't a pre-planned thing. I'd taken a chunk of pages up with me, just in case I got there early enough to find a quiet corner to do some editing in, and as it was there anyway...
It has singing and dancing in it. Even though I don't know the tune, and I'm not sure how to pronounce all the words. Not exactly a recipe for success, but then no one else knew how it went either, so I just made it up as I went along. Bwahahahaha!
I think I'll drag those pages along for one more outing when I do my last ever event of 2007 at Westhill Library, next week.
And after that I'm going to sleep for a week.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean off the whiteboard and get cracking with Book Number The Fifth. Mmmm, magic markers smell nice...
Labels: events, ramble