As is traditional when the edit of doom has finally wound its way to an embarrassed and trouser-staining conclusion, I present to you the that bastion of all things scientific: the swearometer.
As you can see there's been a substantial downturn in shit this time round, with corresponding decreases in fucking and buggery. The use of that rudest of words (Ladies Front Bottom) has been completely eliminated, due to timely application of the wire brush and Dettol. However, we are seeing a much greater number of bastards, which is in line with current Governmental figures, if not guidelines. The Minister for Swearing wasn't available for comment at this time, but a nice lady in his press office did tell us to "go shove a hedgehog up our arseholes and fuck off" before she "set the bastard-wanking dogs" on us.
Of further interest to those of you with a statistical bent, is the marked downward trend in all areas of rudeness between the first and second draft - with the marked exception of farting, which remains the same. Although we would obviously have hoped for less wanking to have survived, we have to look at the big picture. Swearing on the whole is down by 65% in real terms, and that's a very positive message to take from this.
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