Drug-crazed ramblings

I seem to spend a lot of my time sneezing at the moment. Not for recreational purposes -- because that would be just weird -- but from a delayed sense of twisted hay fever. When I was a wee lad, running around with scabby knees and rosy cheeks, I was on antihistamines 365 days a year, with one day off on leap years. Sneezing and dripping and walking around sounding like I'd stuffed worms up my nose. And then I did a detox diet thing following a particularly nasty dose of Christmas and stopped taking the little yellow pills... and the sneezing went away.

That was ten years ago and I never looked back. Which makes reverse parking difficult if you don't like occasionally flattening old ladies. And then last year I had the surgical equivalent of spelunking perpetrated on my poor, delicate nose. Blah, blah, blah and much whinging later, I didn't sneeze for over a year. Nada. My nose, she no work. Plus it had this strange habit of smelling things that weren't there.

"Hey," I'd say to She Who Must Be Asked To Sniff Things From Time To Time, "can you smell something eggy here?"
Then she'd look at me as if I was daft and say, "No."
"Are you sure?"
"Hmmm..." and then I'd march off into another part of the house, where the smell wasn't, then march back again to where the smell still was. "Are you sure you can't--"
"Enough of the sniffing things! You need to go lie down in a darkened room, preferably a long way away from me, you olfactory freak."

And now, after a year and a half of ick, the bit of my nose that deals with sneezing and dripping seems to have woken up again. Which is not exactly what I'd describe as a good result.

You may be wondering why I'm telling you about my proboscis, rather than the usual gerrymandering codswallop you've come to expect -- well, that's because She Who Must Express An Opinion Whether It's Asked For Or Not thinks that my posts shamelessly shilling for votes read like the Drug-Crazed Ramblings Of A Halfwit Lunatic. Which isn't exactly the best review I've ever had... Mind you, it's not the worst either. That would be:

Local Letdown
, 13 Jul 2005
Reviewer: A reader

Like a prior contributer, I can only assume that the positive reviews this book has received are due to HarperCollins and the author's friends and family. This is proof, if proof need be, that there is no book so lousy that it can't be published.

I bought this book in support of local 'talent', and genuine interest in a novel set in my hometown. I was quite prepared to enjoy it but sadly it was a dismal letdown. MacBride describes an Aberdeen that I didn't recognise and characters with all the depth and realism of a Punch & Judy show. If he couldn't accurately convey the city then I doubt his depictions of policing and journalism were any better. A talent to rival Ian Rankin? Absolute nonsense. I am a great lover of Rankin's work and to promote this author as a rival is utterly misleading. The real mystery contained within this novel is why it was published. Terrible - avoid.

Ah, you've got to love Amazon.co.uk, don't you? ;}#

Anyway, enough of the electioneering already. Now I must go prepare for the panel I'm hosting on Saturday at Harrogate, and maybe do some of that editing thing I've been avoiding so successfully.

To the thing!

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