Now you know me: I'm not one to lightly incite people to violence, but I think it's well past time Barry Scott of the Cillit Bang adverts was dragged outside, nailed upside-down to a tree by his misshapen leathery genetalia and beaten to death with two-by-fours. Burning two-by-fours. Burning two-by-fours with nails hammered into them. Then dipped in dog doo.
And if you're thinking, 'Poor old Barry Scott, whatever did he do to deserve this venomous hatred?' you need a serious slap. He's a shouty-headed bastard!
Stop coming on my television screen and shouting about your bloody limescale! I'm not hard of hearing and my TV comes with a volume control. SPEAK AT A NORMAL LEVEL you badger-molesting tosspot. If I want you louder I'll turn you up. AND I DON'T WANT YOU LOUDER. I don't want you at all! Except dead.
And you're not even real: you're made up. You're a pretend celebrity no one's ever heard of.
Why? Why the hell is he pretending to be Barry Scott? Who the testicles is Barry Scott meant to be when he's at home, polishing his fixtures and fittings*? Why not come on shouting, 'HI, I'M NEIL BURGESS**, AND I WANT TO YELL AT YOU AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE UNTIL YOU START A CAMPAIGN TO HAVE ME DRAGGED INTO THE STREET, NAILED TO A TREE AND BEATEN WITH SHITTY STICKS!' Who the arse-flavoured hell is Barry Scott supposed to be? I mean are we all supposed to go, 'Well, I've never heard of him, but he shouts a lot so he must be famous. I'd better rush out and buy whatever it is he's bellowing on about.'
The fictional bastard even had a blog for a while. Shame he doesn't still have it or we could all go visit and threaten to get medieval on his arse. And as he's not a real person, the police couldn't touch us for it. Bwahahahahaha
In fact, that should work for any made-up person. Let's all go make death threats to Mickey Mouse. The rodenty bastard isn't even human. No court in the world would convict us!
So on May the 3rd: Vote MacBride for a saner world!
** The actor who plays the roaring cock-weasel
Labels: cock-weasel, rant