In which our bearded protagonist makes out like a bandit

Obviously I don't mean 'make out' as in to smooch, fondle and cop a feel, dressed up in bandoleers, sombrero and comedy moustache. That would just be silly. No I refer instead to that shrine to commercial consumerism: Christmas. Santa clearly thought I'd been a very good boy this year (sucker) and did festoon the underside of our tree with piles of parcels.

She Who Must Not Be Disillusioned About The Whole Fat Man Dressed In Red Reverse Burgling People's Houses In The Dead Of Night Thing did not too bad on the present front either, but this is my blog, not hers, so I'll just bang on about my presents if you don't mind. One of the bestest things I did get for Christmas was a set of surgical scrubs in a fetching green-ish tinge. I'd been wanting a pair to write in because nice though jammies are, they can get a bit samey after a while. Plus there were all those awkward moment when I'd answer the door in my pyjamas* and the person on the outside would worry that I'd been sleeping and they'd woken me up. Now, when I answer the door in my surgical scrubs**, they'll just think I've been performing some sort of invasive medical procedure instead. Especially when they're all smeared with fresh blood. All I need now is to make myself a fake ID, sling a stethoscope round my neck, and I can run amuck in Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, wheeching out appendixes and examining ladies front chesty-bits. Trust me my dear, I'm dressed like a doctor...

I also lucked into a copy of Dante's DIVINE COMEDY, illustrated by Gustave Doré which I've been wanting for about 15 years. Hurrah! Clever old Santa!

And as if that wasn't enough, an obscene amount of American candy and hot sauce arrived from Iowa, accompanying a copy of Tamara Siler Jones's VALLEY OF THE SOUL. Which I've been looking forward to reading all year, if it's anywhere near as good as THREADS OF MALICE it'll be very, very good indeed. But more of that later, I think.

For now I'm off to get myself outside something medicinal. And then I might actually start laying the groundwork for some writing... But I wouldn't hold my breath.

* Cue the second oldest joke in the world.
** And because it doesn't get out much, let's cue it up again.