Stinky Spam Poo-head Monkeys

Has anyone in the history of the internet ever looked at their inbox and thought, "You know what I need? A dirty big pile of unsolicited shite in here." More importantly has anyone looked at said big pile of unsolicited shite and thought, "Excellent! That's just what I need! I was worried about the size of my mighty man-truncheon / wanted to give some arsewit I've never heard of my bank details / am really needing naked photos of Anne Widdecombe..." Well, OK, maybe the last one, but we're only human, damn it!

For some reason I've been plagued of late by some halfwit trying to peddle insurance and loans. Not all in the same email, you understand, no: lots and lots of different emails. Lots and lots and lots of them. And all they are is a big list of morons' websites.

Who thought it was a good idea to bombard people with this kind of garbage? That we'd all rush out and enthusiastically click our mice on their stinking links? Not only will I not click on their stinking links that stink of stink, I'll ridicule their masculinity too. YOU ALL HAVE TINY MAN WINKIES, AND YOUR MAN WINKIES ARE SOFT AND FLACCID AND NOBODY LOVES THEM BUT YOURSELVES. AND YOU DO THAT ON A REGULAR BASIS. AND YOUR PALMS ARE ALL HAIRY BECAUSE OF IT. AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!

So if you're an insurance company and you've got a website on xoomer.alice.it, or galeon.com/all4u/, or even doc.lld.dk/Members, please go fuck yourself with a cheese grater. OK?