Well, the competition to end all competitions has come to an end and I've been inundated with entries: all 5 of them. And everyone seems to have underestimated the ruthlessness of the MacBridian edit! BROKEN SKIN comes in at a racing-snake figure of 119,122 words, 54 of which are 'Arse'

Paul Crilley got closest to the pin with the wordcount (27,110 over, but it's still the nearest), so he wins!

The Northeast Policeman takes the arse prize with a guess of 74, so he wins too!

You know what, everyone wins. So Betty, Carol and Fiona all get a prize too.

We now return you to our regular programming.