Dear God – an update!

Yes, it's been from here to there since last we spoke, but that's what happens when you anger the gods of communication technology... bloody technology gods.

When I got home the other day, the nice man (and I use that phrase with a complete grasp of the ironic) who's been dealing with our internetless world had popped a postcard through the door with a promise that someone, at some point would replace some bit of cable and that might, possibly, if, like you know, and stuff, make some sort of difference. Which means 'No Broadband For Mr. Stuart.' Darn it! So I'm reduced to mooching internetitude from friends, acquaintances and strangers in the street.

In the meantime, how's the edit going I hear you cry (especially if you're my editors). Well, it's got to a critical juncture where I'm thinking about that rewriting the last three or four chapters from scratch might be easier than sodding about with what's already there. But then again, you never know.

I've been doing a lot of toning down as I've gone through, so it's going to be interesting to see if HC come back with the plaintive cry: "WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE BLOODY GOOD BITS?" And I'll be all like, "Dude, chillllllll." And they'll be, like, "Don't you bloody tell us to chill, you bearded freak!" And I'll be, "That's way uncool." And they're all, "I'll show you uncool when I staple your bloody testicles to your forehead!" and I'll be out of there faster than a lopsided ninja who's just had a wassabi enema.

Where was I? Ah, yes, things…

Anyway, with the internet being something on a par with space travel and sightings of the Loch Ness monster round these here backwaters*, it may be some time before anything remotely approaching an update appears here. In the meantime, try reading the back of cornflake packets and shouting, "Bollocks!" at random intervals. It's not quite the same thing, but it's close.

* So sorry if you've left a message, or a comment and I've not got back to you -- it's not because you smell or look like some sort of shaven monkey, honest...