Yup, that's book number the third wafting its meaty way through the ether via the electronic equivalent of fat-arsed carrier pigeons. For though the book she is finished, the broadband, she is still screwed. I was supposed to get a visitation from the BT this morning, but the bloke phone up instead to say there wasn't any point as no one had done anything about the lines since he complained last time. Hurrah. I get the feeling that this is all going to end in tears. Mine of frustration and theirs of pain, as I repeatedly slam their dangly parts in a chest of drawers. Which may, or may not contain wasps.
Anyway, in the interim, I said I'd dig out and display for you lucky, lucky, oh so lucky people. Ahem. Well, any of you who can be bothered entering the competition to end all competitions! No seriously -- I get no interest on this thing and I'm not doing another one. That'll teach you...
And all you have to do to win some lovely goodies is to email COMPETITION(and then some cunning slight of hand to foil them spam-bot bastards)@(and here comes the science bit)halfhead.com with what you think the final wordcount of the second draft is, as delivered, and / or how many of those words are 'ARSE'. Prizes will be divved up as I see fit as and when the mood takes me, but no later than Monday morning when I'll probably forget what I was doing in the first place. Plus there may be some sort of Sherbet Fountainy goodness involved, depends where you live.
Yes, so, the prizes, drawn at random from the bookshelves of DOOM:
Val McDermid's THE GRAVE TATTOO ("No one compares to the McDermid when it comes to the deviant side of human nature"* -- Guardian)
Alex Barclay's, DARKHOUSE ("A terrific debut by an exciting new writer" -- Independent on Sunday)
Alex Kava, A NECESSARY EVIL ("Kava's writing is reminiscent of Patricia Cornwell in her prime" -- Mystery Ink)
Stephen Booth, ONE LAST BREATH ("One Last Breath underlines Booth's status as one of our best story-tellers" -- Sunday Telegraph)
James Twining, THE DOUBLE EAGLE ("This would make the perfect Tom Cruise movie" -- Independent on Sunday)
I love the quotes you get on the back of these things -- I tried to get HarperCollins to put that one from the Sunday Herald on mine: "Sickeningly, cynically offensive!", but they weren't having any of it. Spoilsports. Tiden in Norway were a bit more inclined that way, the paperback of Cold Granite comes with the following (translated) rapturous exaltation: "This is a terrible book, with characters so depraved/demoralized that they should belong to a hospital, confined to barracks." Seriously, it's on the front cover. Those whacky Norwegians with their fiords, expensive booze and pickled fish...
Then there's the review of the audio version of DYING LIGHT in the Sunday Times. Once more it's audio book of the week (which is nice) but it does say the following:
"MacBride writes about truly vile crimes (who knew Aberdeen had such a dark side?) with biting humour, endowing his characters with his own eye-wateringly pungent way with words."
Hmm, I've never been described as 'Eye-wateringly pungent' before. Well, maybe once, but those nuns were asking for it.
And now, a gratuitously fuzzy picture of Grendel:
* And yet she's on record saying that I turn her stomach. And she's from FIFE! Aaaaaargh!