On the subject of getting screwed...

I don't normally go in for political-style posts, but Gordon Brown's latest jolly taxation wheeze is just crying out for comment. Now, as you know, I'm not a big one on political parties -- politicians, as a breed, rank on my personal scale somewhere below people who sexually molest goldfish -- but I've got to express a grudging admiration for our current Chancellor of the Exchequer. I think he has to be the most prolific thieving bastard we've ever had.

OK, so as the guy in charge of the economy, his job is to screw the tax-paying public out of every last penny he can, in order to finance various half-baked projects that probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Every Chancellor since Sir John Baker donned the black mask, stripy jumper and big sack marked 'SWAG' sometime in the early sixteenth century, has seen it as their God given calling to help themselves to the nation's pockets. It's what they do. But I think Mr Brown has elevated it from bare-faced highway robbery to something of and art form. It can't be too long before we hand over our entire wage packet to the man and he'll give us back pocket money, if we've been good and done our homework.

I love you this muchGordon Brown demonstrates the correct way to apply a condom, or make shadow bunnies, one of the two.

And yet, his latest wheeze 'swings the other way', if you know what I mean. From the 1st of July, he's snipping 12.5% off all condoms (hopefully from the end that already has the hole in it). In fact all contraceptives are going to be subject to a reduced VAT rate of 5%. So now for every twenty one bonks you have, one goes straight into the Chancellor's pocket*, before: he'd be getting a slippery pocketful every seventh.

So next time you make the beast with two backs, bump uglies, do the dirty, or make sweet, sweet love: lie back and think of think of Gordon... *shudder* That's your contraception, right there.

* Now there's an image.