This morning I look a bit like Death's little brother, the one who's been a bit poorly and doesn't get out as much. White face, dark circles round the sunken eyes. If it wasn't for the jaunty beard I could pass for a Goth.
I love Goths, don't you? Course you do, who couldn't love Goths: they're the whacky ninjas of the clown world. It's a great public service they do, hauling their suicidally depressed arses out of bed each morning to rummage through their WARDROBE OF DARKNESS to find something nice and black to wear, slap on a wodge of white face paint and some black eyeliner, just to brighten up everyone else's day. I can't help but smile when I see them in the street, they cheer me up no end.
You never see an old Goth though, do you? Never see a middle-aged bank manager talking to his staff, dressed up in a flouncy white shirt, skin-tight black jeans, pointy boots and a white makeup... "Yes, Mrs Jones, I think you should adjust the fiscal period to reflect the tax year, and do you have any black lipstick I can borrow, mine's all smudged."
I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that Road to Damascara moment, when they look in the mirror, pull on the whole black and white ensemble, be-ring their fingers with skulls, apply the white ghost paint, then lovingly draw in the panda eyes -- with perhaps a touch of artistic smearing to make it look like they've been crying -- step back, examine their reflection and say:"Dear Jesus - I look like a vampire mime artist... What the HELL was I thinking!" Then change forever into jeans and a jaunty-coloured polo shirt. Probably going on to study accountancy, or quantity surveying. Something like that anyway. (actually, according to Wikipedia, Goths are more likely to grow up to be 'doctors, lawyers or architects', but I like my image better)
I suppose the modern equivalent (though those cheeky Goth chaps and chapesses are still around and pretty virulent if you read their posts in the Urban Dictionry) are the new wave of Green Day-style punks. Or Emos as they seem to be called. Which sounds a bit too much like Elmo for my liking. In my day punks came with a sense of impending violence and "What the fuck you lookin' at?" Elmo's more of a "Tickle me!" kind of guy. Ah yes, we live in strange times.
Anyway, this post is dedicated to the Goths of the world:
keep livin' the dream, you zany hipsters!