No, not Googling Brother*, he’s still only allowed out on supervised ‘Care In The Community’ visits with armed guards from the sanatorium. No, what’s out is the paperback of Cold Granite, a whole four days early! And it’s already at Number 24 (with a bullet**), though I’m not sure out of what. At least 25 though. Hurrah! Take that Ralph Fiennes with your big constantly gardening book.
As of Monday, the UK will be swamped in advertising for COLD GRANTE. Well, when I say ‘swamped’ I mean ‘made a bit damp’*** Well, there’ll be some. (Agent Phil says that WH Smiths have got posters up already – me and Joe Brand cheek, and indeed, jowl) And if you can take a photo of you with the advertising, or the book, you’re in with the chance of winning an exclusive SKELETON BOB type prize. Or a signed book and some funky foreign liquorish. Or the adoration / ridicule of your peers depending on which way the wind is blowing.
Don’t delay: snap today****! (or Monday when the ads come out)
* How sane does he look? Seriously - would you have a kid with that?
** Well, a machete.
*** NO! No more smut! Stop it!
**** Of course, you realise that this is probably going to result in the internet equivalent of tumbleweed as no one bothers to enter... Ah well, that just means I’ll keep ALL the goodies!