Kitten Kerplunk

A new craze is sweeping the globe – Kitten Kerplunk. This is extreme danger sport at its most raw and challenging. If you’ve never played it, you’ve never really stared death in the face. Base Jumping is for wimps. Kitten Kerplunk is what REAL daredevils get up to.

The game itself is easy enough – you take one large artificial tree, the kind that you build 'a branch at a time' around a central plastic pole. Construct your tree and hand it with all manner of shiny dangly things. This gets the cat all excited. Now, leave the tree up for two to four weeks, then remove all the decorations. This gets the cat all annoyed and into the now bare tree. OK, it sounds like a lot of preparation, but believe me: it’s worth it.

Now you’re ready to play!!!

Each player takes turns to remove a branch from the artificial tree, folding it up nice and neatly and placing it back in the box ready for the next game. So far so good. Sometimes the cat climbs up, sometimes the cat climbs down, but always the cat lurks within the tree... When you get to the layer the cat is lurking in it’s called ‘Kittening Out’. This is where things start to get dangerous: you still have to remove the branches all round the cat.

One of three things will happen:

1. The cat falls out of the tree.
2. The cat climbs down from the tree and goes off somewhere to sulk and wash its bum.
3. The cat scrambles up the player’s chest / arm / back using every claw its got.

The winning player is the one with the most remaining epidermis by the time the whole tree is back in the box.

Happy Kittening!