Went to the doctors today to find out why I’m having difficulty breathing and sleeping these days. And according to Dr Watson* I have a deviated septum**. Bad septum, naughty! And there was me thinking deviancy was confined to the backblogs round here.
Anyway, it turns out they can do some sort of fancy nostril surgery, using a potato peeler and a photo of Gloria Hunniford in the nude. Sounds like a job for INoGITCH Health Insurance! Hurrah! Well, not hurrah for the naked Gloria Hunnifordishness, but you know what I mean. It’ll be nice to breathe properly again.
Mind you, knowing my luck they’ll do it the same week the book comes out, and I’ll be doing all my PR photos and interviews looking like the Elephant Man and sounding like I’ve jammed a pickled egg up each nostril.
And speaking of deviancy, I wrote this yesterday:
“They made it back to the station by the skin of their teeth – Logan heading for the press conference, Rickards back to his collection of bestiality DVDs and videos.”
Now away with you – me and my deviant nose have work to do...
* No, seriously, I’m not making this up – I’m a crime write-ist and I have my very own Doctor Watson. Not to mention that a major character in my books is WPC Jackie Watson. Oh the irony. OK, it’s not a HUGE AMOUNT of irony, but it’s kinda ironic-ish.
** In case you’re wondering, a septum is that little cartilage bit in between your nostrils, or ‘bogie burrows’ as the delightful little child in the doctor’s waiting room liked to call them, as he went a burrowin’.