"Alllllll by myse-e-elf..."

Cue weeping violins and other musical instruments with assorted sores and pustules, for She Who Must is away tonight and tomorrow night too! This means it's just me and the cat. And a steak. But the cat's not getting any of that. Coz she's got catfood.

And as there's bugger all on the telly, it means I have no excuse to not be writing all evening as well as all day. Hurrah. In a knackering, eyes like devilled eggs kind of way. At least I've now caught up after Monday's defragathon, so anything else I get written today will be a bonus. I'm not saying it'll be any good, but it'll still be a bonus.

And looking on the positive side - while I was shopping for stuff what to go with my steak I did see the paperback of Cold Granite! In my local Tesco! About bloody time too - given that they're the closest store to my house and we must have spent a bloody fortune in there over the years.

I made sure all the copies were face-out, obliterating everyone else's books. Then felt guilty about it and put them all back the way they were. Then felt silly about feeling guilty, but didn't shift them about again. I'm a good boy, I am... The book's not on the Tesco Chart yet, but I know it's on the ASDA one, because I've seen it in there (number 13). Or rather I didn't see it, just the sold-out type hole where it was meant to be. Which is cool. AND it was number 1 in WH Smiths last Friday as well.

AND as if that's not enough of a trouser-swelling masterstroke, a lovely gentleman of who's work I am a great admirer spotted the advert to your left on the Telegraph online website.

So for now mine ego knows no bounds and my head would have swollen to the size of a beach ball, if it weren't for the fact my glasses would fall off and then I wouldn't be able to see. And would probably bump into things. Which would hurt.

We now return you to our regular plaintive wailing.

"Allllll by myse-e-elf, don' wanna be..."