How to disturb telephone help line operatives

I phoned up the Scottish Water Board last week and asked if the contents of a septic tank would be warm*, or cold. The bloke on the other end, after a bit of ‘err...’, ‘emmm...’ and a silent ‘Oh Christ what sort of weirdo phones up and asks that kind of thing?’ said he thought it might be, but he’d have to ask the septic tank people and they were on holiday at the moment. So I‘ll have to phone back on the 28th**.

It’s nice when you can bring a little joy into someone’s working life, isn’t it?****

* Well, there is active bacterial action going on in a working septic tank, and that should generate heat, but there’s also a pretty high volume of waste and I think the microbial stuff would be confined to the layer of poop, wee and general waste water nearer the top. But I suppose I’ll find out for sure tomorrow.
** OK, so I could just jimmy open my own septic tank and take a dip, but there’s no way in hell that’s happening. Not in this life.
***
*** I’ve lost my swimming goggles. And it might be cold.
**** I suppose I should point out that I want to know for professional reasons, rather than just some kinky poo-fetish thing – but I won’t...