Where do they go – up or down?

I have taken the law into my own hands, at least as far as slugs are concerned. The back garden has become a scene of total carnage, dead slugs all over the shop. Every evening I’m out there with my trusty blade ‘Slugthulu’ slicing the little beggars into little rubbery bits that ooze innards. Very tasteful.

The dicotomy of slug soulsThen I began to notice something I hadn’t been aware of before – they’re cannibals. Every morning there’s a group of fresh slugs, feasting on the carcasses of their fallen comrades. She Who Is From Fife And So A Bit Odd In The Head claims that they’re not eating the dead, but mourning them. Do slugs have souls? And if they do, what happens to them when they die?* Are they judged at the gates of heaven by a tiny, slimy St. Peter and their deeds weighed on the scales - to roam free on the cabbages of the Lord, or sent to burn in an eternal lake of salt? Or is it more of a Valhalla deal, where the Valkyrie ride to collect the souls of the fallen, very... very... very... slowly? Or do they get reincarnated as caterpillars (something else I squoosh on a regular basis when the little buggers have a go at my brassicas)?

Personally I think they go to hell.

It’s theology, Jim, but not as we know it.

*And no, this wasn’t just an excuse to go play with Photoshop: how dare you!