My love is like a bag of chips, with vinegar and salt,
A pickled onion on the side to crunch as home we walk.
My love is like a glass of fizz: golden and alcoholic,
To stagger round the living room, our dancing quite shambolic.
My love is like a fluffy cat, a-sitting in the sun,
A-stretching out it’s fuzzy limbs and licking it’s own bum.
My love is wise, and pure and deep, her features quite fantastic,
A smile to melt the polar caps, her décolletage not plastic.
My dear: be mine, and I will swear to love you all my life,
But do me one small favour please and never tell my wife…